Day 3

I found this in one of my old computer files that I never shared with anyone. :-)

Ouija, rhymes with Fiji

I am unable to purchase a Ouija Board.
Sometimes there are just logical fears and mathematical reasons why something happens or why a certain thing falls a certain way. Logic states that everything needs a reason. Probability states that 70% of the times I tried to purchase said game, I was being watched by little green men.
My whole problem began when I was over at a friend’s house for a birthday party. After the usual games, accompanied by some chicken-chasing (did I mention she lived on a farm?), I played my first game of Ouija with a mutual friend. Not only was this board exactly like the original, it glowed in the dark, so we played it in the dark. If something says its waterproof, it most definitely means, ‘Use it in water’. However, I wouldn’t suggest this with fireproof things unless you like the United States Federal System.
In the course of an hour, I learned the answer to life’s most important questions
Q. Did I get an ‘A’ on my last test?
A. Maybe. (Seems like a logical and plausible answer any psychic would charge for five dollars.)
Q. Does he like me?
A. Yes. (However, I did forget, in my anxiety to specify who I was asking about. It could have easily have been Jesus or my father, and not Adam Lamberg like I wanted it to be. If you are unaware of whom that person is, congratulations you’ve missed an era of life you will never get back.)
Q. What will my husband’s name be?
A. CWX…… (I assumed initials. Ever since then, I’ve checked all attendance sheets for men with ‘X’ last names.)
Well, the last one doesn’t count because not both of us were, “focusing our energy” on the Ouija Board. It sucks too, because it would have been nice if it would have worked for me (or if she had just pushed it to spell out that little boy’s name.) But, the point of all of this is something interesting.
About two years ago, I re-remembered the little story I have just told you and something told me that I should own one of these Parker Brothers classic toys. Now, I headed to the local mall for casual shopping. Not only did they not have it, I’m pretty sure they weren’t planning on getting it. That’s when I made the mistake of asking a friend for one. Her response? I think she crossed me and might have thrown holy water in my eyes.
It had never occurred to me that Ouija Boards are mass-produced cult devices aimed at our children in an attempt to re-program them into satanic work robots. Of course it deterred me from buying one, but…I still looked. Come on man, I was only like ten. What horrible sins did I have?
The next time I saw one, it was at a mall about forty-five minutes farther than the last one. In fact, they had several. Which made me wonder, did this mall now care about the souls of its customers? I was considering selling my soul, I mean cash for one, but I was very short on cash. Let me tell you something, satanic devices are not cheap, my friends. What intervened that prevented me from purchasing a Ouija Board that day? Was it fate, or cheap-skate bosses charging five seventy-five an hour, even on weekends?
So, I came to an impasse. Was it really an instrument of an entity like God that communicated through a plastic lens and cardboard box? Why would Parker Brothers, who had created some of my favorite childhood toys, create an evil device? Logically, my mind told me that the whole idea was farfetched and insane, but I think after that, I never really trusted those Parker brothers a hundred percent. For instance, what did this make Candy Land? Was it trying to recruit young toddlers to be criminals? Take all you can in Candy Land, try to reach the border before everybody else catches up with you. Yep, sounds like that game is teaching essential life lessons for toddlers. Yay. And if Candy Land was in on it, was, dare I say it, Hungry, Hungry Hippos? Could it be a marketing tool for, gasp, McDonald’s? The possibilities became endless and quite disturbing.
Now when I reflect on my misadventures, I wonder whatever happened to that old faithful Ouija Board, the only one I have ever used. Perhaps I was not meant to own Ouija Board’s through divine intervention. The disturbing question is, why can I not own one? Why is it impossible for me to obtain one? Something is holding me back from the purchase, but what?
The possibilities are endless.
Unlike my inability to purchase a toy made in China.
Or is it?