Day 365

It's over!
It's over?
It's over...
365 days of words.
365 days of ideas.
365 days of discovery.
365 days of honesty.

It finally ends
this unexpected journey.
A year, gone by
in words and phrases
similes and metaphors.
365 days are gone
and now
its time to move on...

(Thank you to everyone who has been there since, literally, Day 1 of my 365 Project, especially Erin. :) Without her kind words and support, I would have stopped a long time agao. I would love to thank everyone including Ben, Nikki and Lizzie. ANNNND of course, Mom, who put up with me while I was complaining about getting internet access when we were on vacation... :/

And I will expect the comments of "Now what, Lauren?" and "How does it feel to be done?" so I will just answer them now.

Now what? I'm going to get on with my life. Seperate myself more from the internet and live in the here and now.
How does it feel to be done? Honestly, it's freakin' weird.

So, everyone, thank you again, I hope you enjoyed the ride as much as much as I did. ;)

Day 364

It's almost over.
Time speeds faster
a broken cry from my inner self
wrapped in mismatched blankets
and sipping hot chocolate
as I watch the rain fall
and breathe in the cool air
which enflames
my third eye.

Day 363

we've never met in person
but your life
it unravels
each and every day
with every new
e-mail and
little joke we make
has it really been
almost five years
since we started talking?

Day 362

sometimes i feel as if i'm sleeping life away
waking up around midday
exhausted from the weeks work.
it feels nice to actually sleep
rejuvinate oneself
but then i realize
what things
i could accomplish
if i were to wake
only hours earlier
and it makes me wonder
if maybe i'm sleeping life away.

Day 361

dripping like
honey from the comb
sticky nectar
it consumes
until it is
the only thing
solid
constricts the throat
bad words
regret and anxiety
are like
this bad tasting honey.

Day 360

nearing the end
it's scary
and it's unpredictable
so I can't lie
and say I want it to end
but then again
new beginnings
are the best.

Day 359

The best of friends
in the most unlikely of places
bound together
throughout time
and trial
never breaking
no matter what.

Day 358

green eyes
whiskered chin
a great friend
furry purring kitty
curled up in a ball
fast asleep.

Day 357

home
is where
I love to be
with my friends
and family
love
friendship
home.

Day 356

The night my world ended
was the night
I couldn't breathe
for lack of air
to my lungs
but the air
was the last thing
on my mind.
So I danced under
the stars
and hoped for once
I wouldn't drown.

Day 355

There are never enough words
to tell you what I need to
never enough times
to show you how I care.

Day 354

true my books
feel to me like close friends
true my life
is filled with piles of notebook paper
true solitude
is how I do my work
but I love my friends
and they mean more than any of this.

Day 353

trouble in paradise
friends bicker like enemy soldiers
lovers fight like thieves
it's a harsh world out there
when it's hard
to just breathe...

Day 352

landed
my feet finally touch the ground
when once
I would fly above it all
my wings are tired
and the ground
feels soft.

Day 351

no comment

you don't talk
about me
about you
you are mysteriously absent
from my life
putting just enough effort
to stay in it
to make me feel bad
if I feel angry
but when
green is involved
suddenly
you are everywhere
making sure to remind me
just how little
you have.

Day 350

Dark and dreary
lies the rain cloud
rush of water in my face
the world makes sense
in a clear, crystal moment.

Day 349

sidewalk chalk and useless art
starts to fade after the rains
the air clings hard against my coat
my breathing
shallow...

Day 348

Beautiful days
take my breath away
windy afternoons
make me swoon
cool nights
make me dance with delight.
Welcome fall
for real this time...

Day 347

shots
pain like blisters
pound
running up my neck
crick
anger
burning fury
I need a masseuse...

Day 346

everyday magic
makes me realize
why I love
to be alive
and why my friends
are crazy
wild spontaneous fun
and why
my friends feel the same
and embrace their own kind
of every day magic.

Day 345

you know
sometimes life is just
a game of cat
and mouse
where one obviously purrs
but the other
gets the cheese.

Day 344

a round

supressed anger causes rage
rages causes violence
violence causes destruction
destruction causes death
death causes re-birth
re-birth causes hope
hope causes change
change causes life
life causes choice
choice causes expression
expression causes contempt
contempt causes supressed anger.

Day 343

Wild eyes

like the falling leaves
you are free
wild eyes, eager soul
you will always roam.
like a well-worn winter jacket
you fit in my arms perfectly.
quiet observer of life
documenting in written word
scrawling wildly across pages
that I cannot pretend to understand.
you cannot be owned, cannot be controlled.
like an animal cornered
you will run.
you will always be loved
no matter where you wonder
but I cannot love you, wild eyes
because you cannot love me
the way I love you.

Day 342

start over
eet
x it out
typewriter
clicks
buttons pressed
permanently in

Day 341

Lazy Sunday
the beep of alarms
pushed infinitely off
brunch at 1
video games
dreaming
wondering
wishing.

Day 340

warmth of love
heats the
coldness
that lingers
after past
faults
traces and lines
of people
who mishandled it.

Day 339

Things I want to say
linger, poised over my lips
but I don't have
the push
for them to come out.
they will not
come out
maybe it seems
like indecision
but options
weighed
life choices
made.

Day 338

dripping sorrow
ground takes in
soggy paths to walk
clothing damp
hoods up
umbrellas out
is it really rain
or is it
compassion?

Day 337

best seats in the house
cast a shadow
creates purple
gobos
stars
emotion
red
anger
hilarity
lights up
curtain down.

Day 336

too much
just makes me
ill to my stomach
with all the
drama
drama
drama
drama...

Day 335

a long time ago
I was told
that being myself
was the most important thing.
now, I realize of course
that being yourself
means being like everyone else.
but I'm not everyone else
and I don't plan to be.

Day 334

i am not
a fighter
or a liker of
conflict
but it
is life and
like life
and my
place in it,
I am forced
to experience
it.

Day 333

I'm only half-evil
see, I'm only half
like Diet Dr. Pepper
or a white rapper.
I'm only 50% good
like a politician.
I'm only 50% evil, though
like a sixth grader
But
I'm 100% me.

Day 332

with words like masterpieces
i bled
unto pages
people crumpled
my heart breaking before my eyes
in a ball
no one reads

but I always stoop to pick it up
dust it off
uncrinkle my bleeding work
and start over.

Day 331

Night air
opens my preverbial third eye
in the darkness
my eye flickering
to a bicycle
lingering under a lamp...

Day 330

You know,
sometimes it's your friends that matter most.

(thanks Kevin for the awesome photo bomb blur thing.... >.<

Day 329

Away
is hard for me
when you are

the one
I'm away from.

Day 328

I can feel
and sometimes
I wish I couldn't
because pain and anger
and frustration and betrayal
and hopelessness and anxiety...
sometimes makes me feel
it isn't worth it to feel
but then
there's
love.

Day 327

All these thoughts
All these deadlines
All these ideas
All these lines
All these concepts
All these messed up things I should be able to define....

are running through my head
and I can't stop to catch them.

Day 326

in the corners of your mind
in the shadows
creases of your life
are hidden, tucked away
and its odd
because another type of person
lies there.

Day 325

No you don't know
so don't pretend you do
just be quiet for once
and listen.
sometimes
words just aren't enough.
you should know that
better than anyone.

Day 324

It's the little things in my life
that keep me entertained
and it's the people I love
and who love me
that keep me happy.

Day 323

teardrops
rain
feeling
harsh
winter
snow
frozen
teardrops

Day 322

Beautiful fall day
makes all my cares
fly far away....

Day 321

Why, of course
if I can
I'll help save a life
and do everything I can
to help.
I'm not the doctors who operate
or the nurses who assist
but I will still help as much as I can.

It doesn't cost anything?
They give you things for showing up?
You feel awesome for helping?
Sure I'll donate my blood
You don't even need to ask.

Day 320

45
is the number of days I have
until I start over
start again
end this chapter
and begin another
another chapter
that may or may not involve
you
or
this
goddamn
blog.

Day 319

i am rustling trees
auburn leaves
whipping wind
sweatshirts zipped up tight
warm and coozy
i am fall.

Day 318

I don't know where my life is going to lead
I don't know what will happen
I don't know who I'll meet
I don't know what I'll say
I don't know what my life is going to be like
But with you by my side
It doesn't matter.

Day 317

The weary rainy wind
soaks me to the skin again.
My clothes hang heavy with the rain
dragging both my body
and spirits
down again.

Day 316

Time Capsule
yesterday I opened up a time capsule
I had put away in 2000
when I was nine years old
and had to do it for some sort of project.
expecting to find shiny things,
I was shocked to find that
even as a child
I was introspective
and still want many of the same things
I wanted back then...

A lanyard from camp
A pokemon card
A pickachu keychain
A catdog keychain
pictures from when I was much younger
A receipt for gas (1.39 a gallon)
'2000' glasses, (after celebrating the millenium)
Notes about my favorite things
Ideas about the future
Memories
An autobiography


And I sound the same
but at the same time,
different.

Day 315

syrup like maple candy
sticks but flows through my fingers
green around the edges
brown inside
honey nectar
sweet to taste
but bitter when it hardens.

Day 314

There are so many things
I cannot do in this world.
I can't be a supermodel
a skateboarder, a doctor,
a biologist
but I can be
a great person
a daughter
a passionate person
a writer.

Day 313

Memories flood back
across my mind
like long-forgotten friends
trinkets to remind me
about the past
and how I want to live
in the future.

Day 312

It's nice and warm
in all the small places
and corner
of home.

Day 311

the shadows followed her
on the back alleys and
crested tops of buildings.
Her breath hurried, she had no
choice but to run. And she
did. She spread out her legs and
feet and pushed off, as if she
had been born with wings.
They couldn't carry her far, just
enough to move her forward.

Day 310

Words upon lips
hit pavement with a sledgehammer
ideas bubble from liquid truth
splashing the heels of people walking by.
They'll wipe it off
burn pieces of expression
but hide from it in the flames
afraid of the spark
seen in the other's eyes
afraid of truly burning.

Day 309

Do you see me for who I am
And what I want to be?
Do you see past my expression
To see what I'm thinking?
Are you thinking
What I'm thinking?
It would be nice to know
Every now and then.

Day 308

looking up
watermelon slices fall
gaping mouthes
but I laugh and
take the long way around
rejoicing in
the blankets around me

you know its a good day
when you've got ink on your fingers.

Day 307

faces fall at sight
reality crashes rain
falls dark clouds
gather rumbling
threatening the
light of day
to destroy
and not create.

Day 306

Stare
is all I do
because how can I
show you how often
I'm thinking of you.
So close
yet so far away from me...
It hurts me.

Day 305

Golden
means valuable
it means
rock hard
foundation
to base yourself
and also
wisdom and compassion
aged
with time.

Day 304

I cannot imagine
what you think
in the darkness
as you lay there
what goes on in there
I wonder
but you smile
and I know
it's going to be alright.

Day 303

differences
don't always make us
bad people or
unfeeling
but the more you say
that it does
makes me angry
and I don't think
that's what
you wanted.

Day 302

The Ending

backward glances
puppy dog eyes
lip quivers
misty eyes
bawling
stiff upper lips
asking questions
why who
how
dare
they.

Day 301

For Pookie.
I will miss you baby.
And I will mourn for you
even though I know
you are no longer in pain
and there is a heaven
for the best animals.
You lived a long life
longer than many others
and you were happy
running on your little wheel
noming on sunflower seeds
but now
you've gone home
and I will miss you
little buddy.

Day 300

The sickness
eats at my soul
shaking from cold
sweating from heat
sweating sweating
sneezing coughing
running
tired...can't think
cold hot cold again...
I hate being sick...

Day 299

You are...
the happiness in my day
when I sometimes,
I don't know
if I'll smile again.

Day 298

I'll leave the light on
outside the porch
for you.
Because the whole house
can't rest
until everyone
is tucked safe
into bed.

Day 297

No I will not
hold your hand as you
fall apart
because I have
kept you up for so long
and my legs
have to support
my own body
and my own life.

Day 296

Understanding
is easier when
it is physically in front of you
but deep down
inside you
are the fisher king wounds
the ones that hurt
as you move through your day
even years after
they hurt as if
they were reopened
and they are the ones
people don't believe.

Day 295

tupperwear full of peppers
the breeze aims to distract
lull me to sleep
with an open book on my lap
that I should be reading
but instead
lulls me to sleep
and blends into pages
of ink.

Day 294

Books upon books
upon books
of knowledge that
I think I should
be learning
but when it comes time
to put pencil to paper
I guess
I don't know anything.

Day 293

I haven't yet seen the sunrise
but my weary eyes
long to see the sun
as it warms up the chilly air
and maybe then
I can fall asleep.

Day 292

drips of light
moisten my skin to
the point I cannot
remember what it was like
to feel dry
and uninspired.

Day 291

You are cute
in the way you laugh
the way you talk
the way you walk
the way we find each other
the way you think nobody cares
when I think its obvious that I do.

Day 290

Free time
doesn't come often
so I'm going to make the most
of it
and buckle down
to...zzzzz

Day 289

I'm ashamed
that I've come so far
and now
is when it all
slips through
the cracks...

Day 288

It's written in ink
bled through the pages
like a tattoo
you can't erase.

Day 286

Anyway you spin it
and think about it,
we really are just the same.
We are made up of the same stuff
Every single one of us.
So, why the hostility towards others?
What does it mean
When we attack someone
Who is really just the same as us?
I think
It is really telling
Towards our society.

Day 285

Memorial
I will always remember
What happened what happened nine years ago
Where I was
What it meant
And how it changed everything.


(To those who died today and the continued support of those serving.)

Day 284

Nighttime
surrounds me
and the people around me
with laughter
warms us up.

Day 283

So we talked today...
About beauty
and blogs, racism, sexism,
television ads
moral obligations
vs monetary profit
pure objectivity
and in an attempt to free our minds...
comprehend what it all means.

Day 282

Control
runs my life
because when I can't feel
control
I feel like the world
I'm living and the people
around me are controlling
everything around me
and I don't want to fall
fall under.

Day 281

Take the night off
Put up your feet
Turn on the television.
Sometimes,
It needs to be done.

Day 279

The breeze off the river
Lulls me into sleep.
The drums
The chanting
Puts me into another world.
The food smells
That swirl through my nose
Remind me what's great
To be alive.

Day 278

Empty.
Just the sound of the plastic keys
being forced down
to type out some homework
or in my case
poetry.

Day 276

Rhythms beats
trumpets violin flute
french horn cello
the composer is sweeping the baton
back and forth
into an overwhelming climax
and...
done
with the clatter
of the baton
to the
floor.

Day 275

Sometimes I wonder
If its all just a detour
To something greater
And it makes me feel sad.
But then I realize
All my friends
I've met here
And along the way
Wouldn't have been found
Any other way.
Everything happens for a reason.

Day 274

My friends
are not like your friends.
We are free to talk and express ourselves
and not be afraid what others think.
We love what we do
We are who we are
And we love that.

Day 273

A new year
New classes beginning
New people
New places to be
New clubs to join.
I can't wait.

Day 272

I am...
a pool of sweat
waiting as the sun fries me
under the french fry light
of the world.

Day 271

Looking out my dorm window
I wonder...
These new students
With their cocky attitudes
and loud music
Aren't so different from me
Yet I feel a world different from them.
I wonder if they'll graduate.
I wonder if my children will be like them.

Day 270

I don't have it.
I probably should.
I should be trying to get it
Trying to work on it.

I don't have it.
I don't have the patience.

Day 268

I know.
I missed it.
I missed them.
Out of my control
And I feel out of my mind.
Sometimes,
I just have to go with the flow
And accept that there are some things
That I cannot begin to control.

Day 265

Are you kidding me
Only one hundred more days?
Has that much time really gone by?
Have I made it this far?
Does time slip by so fast
That it can go flying past me
And I don't even know it?

Day 264

The sun is out
The air is clear
I'm ready to go
I don't have anything to fear.
So let's get ready
Let's take on something new
I'm ready if you're ready
Let's just see who.

Day 264

You know...
I really don't like this whole
"waiting" thing.
I kind of want to be IN the moment.
I want to be experiencing everything
And appreciating the world around me.
But lately...
It feels like all I'm doing
is waiting.
It's not the destination
It's the journey.

Day 263

So...
Life continues on, I guess.
And even after past events
After the mistakes we've all made...
We must learn to move on
Live on.

Day 258, 259, 260, 261

You won't find me.
You can look in all the familiar places.
You won't find me.
You can look where I usually tred.
You won't find me.
You can call me. Text me. Try to reach me.
You won't find me.
Because I planned it that way.
Call me after I've gotten a tan
And have sand embedded in my toes
Because then
You can find me.

Day 257

The little pleasures
of the day
continue to amaze me
and they brighten
the cloudy days.
It almost makes the bad days
mean too little to matter.

Day 256

Kit
You are so curious...
With your little wet nosey
And your perky little ears.
Chasing your tail
Playing with any loose string
Anything in your path
Running around like you are on crack...
Kitty.

Day 255

A new chapter
unfolds itself in front of me.
And I must take a deep breath
and fall fall
fall
into the darkness
fall
into the unknown
and unto something new.

Day 254

(I decided not to continue that other side project, journal thing.)

I'm...
Tired.
I'm tired of always being let down by you.
I'm tired of the empty promises
No matter how good your intentions.
I'm tired of always giving you another chance.
I'm tired of having my heart broken.
I'm tired of always picking up the pieces
And going on with my life.
I'm tired of waiting.
I'm tired of repeating.
I'm tired....
Of being
Tired.

Day 253

Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like

It really does suck.
I really miss talking to you like we used to.
We’ve drifted away.
And damn
It hurts me.

Day 252

Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet

It is very unlikely that the two of us shall ever meet…considering not only age difference, social stratosphere, location, and…well, occupation. The odds are against us meeting…and far against becoming friends but damn if I don’t dream it will happen.

You seem, truly, like someone whom I would be friends with. Your awkwardness, way of looking at things and overall personality leads me to believe what kind of person you are. I’m fascinated by you and I truly do want to meet you someday.

You are like the creative and kooky friend I’ve always wanted.

Day 251

Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend

It’s odd for me to really try to be friends with people I’ve never met.

It’s so different for me but…I love it at the same time.

I feel like…being a friend on the internet is like sharing ourselves with people without reservation.

Friendship without reservation.

I like it.

Day 250

Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/ Ex-girlfriend

You know, it really was your fault. You were just too chicken to man up to it. I tried to show you how I felt. I tried to make it better. You just stood there and watched me.

I know that we weren’t meant to be a couple. I see that now.

But having to find out from someone else about your new, uh friend, was hard on me.
It’s funny; I’m still friends with your mother and she misses me.

I just wish I could say the same about you.

Day 249

Day 6 — A stranger

You don’t know me. You take one look at me and think you know me. That you know what I like, who I hang out with and what makes me tick. You probably think that you are better than me, that you will achieve more than me and that I’m no one special. You think your own life is too busy to bother with being nice to someone like me.

You don’t really want to know me.

Which is why, stranger, you never will.

Day 248

Day 5 — Your dreams

I wish I could understand sometimes what you are trying to tell me. You are crazy, unreal and fantastic in design. Sometimes I wonder what you are trying to tell me, but you are too fanatical for me to follow.

I love remembering what strange things happen. It makes me wonder what my subconscious is like. It’s when they are too realistic and your blend in with my daily life, does it freak me life.

Day 247

Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)

Okay, no sappy crap because you aren’t that type of person. You might look big and immune to everything but I know the real you. I know you worry about me, even though I should be the one worrying about you. I don’t know if you are aware of how protective you can get. It’s actually nice to know you care.

I’m glad you care and I’m glad you are my brother because for the most part, I feel like we get along quite well.

It’s a good thing too because we would rip each other apart if we weren’t.

Day 246

Day 3 — Your parents

I love you more than I can ever say. You’ve always been there for me and sometimes, I wish I could repay you. I know that the best way, is to treat my own children the same compassionate way that you’ve treated me. You are not only my mom; you are a great friend to me who has been there.





Our relationship is strained. You know this and I know sometimes you try but more often than not, you don’t. Look, I’m trying, okay? I’m not perfect and you as hell aren’t. I can only have my heart crushed so many times before it doesn’t work anymore. You aren’t making it any easier.

Day 245

Challenge: Write an unsent letter, every day, for 30 days.
http://community.livejournal.com/embodiment/1686466.html#cutid1


Day 2 — Your crush / significant other

So you are traveling all over the world and I haven’t seen you since high school…so what? I still have the fond memories of sitting alone together in class, talking about our individual futures. We shared a love for the unusual, supernatural and otherwise creepy.

You and I were complete opposites. You had a girlfriend. You could be crude and rude at times. Your taste in movies is terrible.

But damned if I don’t think of you sometimes, out of the blue and I wonder what you’re doing.

Please be careful out there because someday, I would really like to see you again.

Day 244

Challenge: Write an unsent letter, every day, for 30 days.
http://community.livejournal.com/embodiment/1686466.html#cutid1


Day 1 — Your oldest friend (that I still talk to frequently)


I’m so lucky we found each other because high school would have been pretty dull without you. Going from being strangers sophomore year to the peanut butter to each other’s jelly by junior year happened so fast and so casually. It felt like we have known each other for much longer.

The distance between us now really has stopped and made me think. It’s hard for me because I’m used to talking to you every day. Now, we miss each other’s calls sometimes and don’t talk as often as we used to. This, I guess, is part of growing up. I miss it. In all honesty, I miss those laid back high school days in which we created our secret alter egos, doodling obscene pictures during choir, getting yelled at for talking in class…

I know your life is going in another direction and you may be aware that I don’t like everything you are up to, but I want you to know that I will always be here for you. You will always be my best friend. No matter what.

It’s just a little painful when you are so far away.

Day 243

The heat
Is too much for me.
And I feel myself straying indoors
More and more
To beat it...

Day 242

I'm tiresome
Always tired
With work everyday...
Life moves too quickly.

Day 241

Wide eyes
exploring the world
tracing over the lines
that hold everything together.

Day 240

What is reality?
What is truth?
What is real?
Is it what your senses tell you?
Is it what you see?
What you feel, touch, and taste?
Can your senses be compromised?
Are you dreaming...
or are you awake?
Are you sitting in front of your computer right now
or are you somewhere else
Unaware...
And more importantly
Does it matter
If you're happy?

Day 239

I don't get it.
When I'm interested
And I make the effort to try,
He's not interested in me.
When I'm not interested
And I avoid him, act that I don't care (because I don't)
He's completely interested in me.
Greeeat...

Day 238

What I've Learned From Being A Janitor(ess)

-Even if you block the doors, people still come in.
-Everyone thinks they are the exception.
-The cleaning crew is silent and efficient.
-Only use cleaners that are MADE for the surface
-Everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.
-You won't be thanked, it will be assumed that you LOVE doing your job and that it is your ONLY duty, therefore you should do it right.


And the most useful:
-How to clean up vomit without vomiting

Day 234, 235, 236, and 237

The Open Road

I cannot always tell you
Where I'm going
Because sometimes
I don't know where I'll end up.
Sometimes I cannot foresee what will happen
Who I will meet
What I will do.
I don't know what the future holds
What will become of it.
But I can promise
I will always love you
And I will always return.

Day 233

I'm so excited!
The time of waiting is coming to an end
After waiting waiting and waiting
And all the plans
The work...
The sweat and toil.
It's finally here.

Day 232

Family
means everything.
Those should remember their roots
to learn from the past
and be encouraged
to change what they see fit
but still have important things
remain the same.

Day 231

I don't have anything much to say today...
Except that maybe I miss talking to you
And maybe
That's everything...

Day 230

Oh it's something else
Feeling so free for a while...
Nothing that has to be done
Relaxing in the cold
Instead of a long day of working in heat.

Day 229

Dime Toss

Damn you dime toss.
Spending my whole paycheck
Exchanging them for dimes
In order to win a glass cup
I'll never use.
Yay summer.

Day 228

As the night unfolds its blanket
That curls the grass in
Tucks the birds into nests
Spreads a cool air across the sky
And turns on the firefly nightlights,
I'm sitting under the stars
Wishing, wandering, and dreaming.

Day 227

Today is gonna be a better day than yesterday
Because I can make it better.
Because my attitude is better.
Because I'll see people I know.
Because I'll be making a difference.
I can deal with that.

Day 226

Oh the rain
It keeps me indoors
Stuck on auto-pilot.
Visiting the mall
Watching tv...
Yawn.

Day 225

The world seems so easy
Looking from a child's eyes.
Things make sense
People are compassionate
Life seems to just work.
I would love to look at everything that way.

Day 223

Why am I not surprised?
Why should any disapointed really matter?
I was right in my thinking, no matter how negative it seems.
It's always something else, someone else, somewhere else.
You validate my thinking. It makes sense to me now.
No matter how hard I try and forget the past hurts, they come up again with one word that you say.
How can you expect me to deal?
My hearts on a string and you pull it when you want to but most of the time, you let it go slack.
And then, you try to guilt me if I don't keep it there for you.
I'm sorry, but I won't always be here.
Fuck you.

Day 222

What a sleepy day...
Sleeping the morning away...
Not doing much
But watching tv
Going to see a movie.
Lazy lazy Saturdays...

Day 221

In one moment
Everything changes.
Life is different
Your plans change
Your future...
Instantly differently.
Just one choice
Makes the difference.

Day 220

The pounding won't stop
The lights burn my eyes
The stress strains me.

Man, I need a vacation...

Day 219

Betty White Equals BAMF

Oh Betty White
How you are so wise.
You always know what to say
However inappropriate but funny.
You are such a great dancer
And have a way with words.
I want to meet you someday
You are a "Golden Girl" always and forever
In the hearts of millions.

Day 218

There is not much to say
That hasn't already been said.
More things are written, sung, expressed
Than what I could do
What I could write
Sung
Expressed.

Day 217

What do I do now?

Day 216

I know I should be celebrating
Going outside to watch the fireworks
Celebrating independence
Eating hamburgers, watermelon and potato salad
But really...
There is no break for me
Working until I cannot move.
This sucks.

Day 215

I'm beyond the point of pure tiredness.
Beyond just being tired
Beyond wanting to sleep
Beyond sitting for hours on end.
Ugh...

Day 214

I'm sorry for being so cryptic
But sometimes I don't think you'll understand.
I'm sorry for laughing at the worst times
But sometimes I can't keep it all inside.
I'm sorry I'm so unusual
But being the same is too boring.

But in all honesty...
I'm not sorry for who I am.

Day 213

...
What is there to say
When words themselves fade away?
What can I do
When I'm in love with everything you do?
What to do
What to say
You've got me confused in every way.

Day 212

My Job

My job exists
So you are happy
And everything is clean.
Thanking me
Is going out of your way
But complaining
Is the only way you will.
You won't notice me
But that's okay.
Because guess what,
I don't notice you either.

I like doing my job
It makes it a little better
And a little easier for the people who matter.

Day 211

Walking through the book racks
I came upon a white book
With a small, black title.
It was the epitome of boring literature.
But...what was it?
A small-time author?
A long-lost memoir?
Picking it up
I noticed something interesting.
It had won a Pulitzer.
Touche.

Day 210

The summer heat
Has me curled up on the beach
Curled up with a novel.
Reading about crime
Adventures in the sun
Science fiction mysteries.
There's nowhere else I'd rather be.

Day 209

Pookie

A pocket-sized hamster named Pookie
Like a rodent
Whiskers
A pink nose
Furry
Inquisitive.
Like an old man
Graying slightly
With cataracts
And with a slight limp.
Like...
My little baby.

Day 208

I.
Feel.
Like.
I.
Stop.
And.
Start.
Without.
Moving.
Ahead.

Day 207

Loud

I am loud
But not in spoken words.
I am loud
In the expressions of my eyes.
I am loud
In my glances.
I am loud
I am loud
I am. Loud.

I am quiet
When it comes to spoken words.
So you'd never know
How loud I am.

Day 206

Fireflies

A dusk farmland field
filled with fireflies
darting, shimmering lights
in the sky.

Day 205

Attitude

With a smack, crash, boom
You can change it
Change it.
Depressed to sad
Sad to grumpy
Grumpy to content
Content to good
Good to happy
Happy to giggly
Giggly to estatic.
With a smack, crash, boom...
You can change it.
So do it.

Day 204

Destiny

It runs through the veins
Coursing through them
Filling me up
Pushing me
Encouraging me.
It is there
My destiny.

Day 203

There's that moment
in between waking and sleep
where the world feels right
the sheets and blankets feel wonderful pressed to the skin.
My life seems limited only by eternity
And I let it wash over me
Rolling in waves.

Day 202

Stream of thoughts
echo through caverns
and caves drip drip drip
with faucets in time
but the clock doesn't stop ticking
like a bomb hidden in the darkness,
the shadows call and slowly
slowly
they come to
an
uprupt
end.

Day 201

Day-Off

Sleeping In.
Cheesepuffs.
Bubble baths.
Curled up with a novel.
Writing.
Doodling.
Sketching.
Dreaming.

Day 200

200 days down
A milestone for me
Being able to prove I can
And I will
Commit to something
And follow through.

Day 199

You are...
Nothing.
You are...
Everything.

Day 198

Perfection

"I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence I can reach for, perfection is God's work." -Michael J. Fox

"The thing that is really hard, and really amazing, is giving up being perfect and beginning the work of becoming yourself." -Anna Quindlen

Day 197

Ghosts

Ghosts of the past and present
Linger behind me
They stretch out before me.
Showing shadows of where they've been
What they've done
In the utmost hope
From the deepest of their heart
That something might change
That it will change.

Day 196

This isn't fun for me, you know.
I bet you like to think
That I love to make you hurt
That I hold grudges.
That I tell my friends everything
And recount my past with you.
I bet it makes you feel better
For the shit you've done to me.
You know what?
I have nothing poetic to say to that but
Fuck you.
I bleed when you cut me
I cry when you hurt me
I'm a living, breathing person
Who has more feelings than you'll ever know.

Day 195

I'm writing
To tell you how I feel
To express myself
To show you something different
To imagine and believe.
So step in and enjoy
The world of my words...

Day 194

Time

It slips away
But you want it to last
When the going is good
It goes quickly
But when the going is bad
Time eecks by.

Day 193

The first swim of summer
Surrounded by friends
Under the pale moonlight.
It's alright to relax
Under the lights.
It's summer baby
Soak it all in.

Day 192

To me, you are:
Incredible.
Motivating.
Beautiful.
Inspiring.
Amazing.
Starstruck.
Destined for greatness.
But you don't listen to me
You listen to him.
And he doesn't know you like I do.

Day 191

You've got eyes like diamonds
That sparkle and twinkle when you laugh.
It's not like guys to have such beautiful eyes
That make me jealous
But also have me transfixed...

Day 190

The famous letters to the anonymous (you know who you are)

-If you wear that scowl long enough, your face will stay that way. Honestly, it would be an improvement. :)
-I miss you. I miss you like a teenage girl misses her period.
-I really don't understand how you think. You baffle me.
-Honestly, you are one of the most fascinating people I've ever met.
-Why don't you love me? I care for you so much and honestly, you could care less. It really does hurt you know...
-I really don't like it when you hang out with those girls. It's not you. It's not what I want you to do and it's not good for you.
-It's so painful for me to see you go through this.
-No I will not dance for you.
-I'm so upset we can't hang out until later this summer. I reaaaaally want to. I miss you!
-Yes, it was me.
-Okay, seriously? SERIOUSLY?!?!
-I know you secretly read all of these....admit it. ;)

Day 189

Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
Shut up.
I can't hear myself think
When all you do is talk over me.
Shut up.
I'm trying to listen
I really am
But when you reach a certain point
All you do is repeat.
So please
Shut up.

Day 188

Turn on the lights
When the darkness feels like its creeping in.
Light a candle
When the coldness chills you.
Strike a match
To fight the fears that lie in the dark
Childhood monsters are still hidden behind....

Day 187

Silky coats
Soft noses
Long strides
Foaming and frothing mouths
Galloping and panting
Anticipation
Crossing the line
Muddy
but glorious.

Day 186

Gun shop ammo
silver, shining casing
pattering against the ground
shot from guns
fired by hate
into people
for no real reason
but to spread
more hate.

Day 185

Ominous thunder rolls across the farm land
Clouds angry and dark
Flashes in the distance
Cool wind blowing
Trees upturning.
A storm is coming.

Day 184

Day 183

Grrr!
Blargh!
GAH!
RRRRR!
SON OF A-
FREAKIN A!
OH MY GOD!!!
PFFTT!!

And all that jazz.

Day 182

Why, oh why, is it so hot?
It's not even summer
It's too hot for spring.
I'm sweating while I sit outside
Pools are just opening
And all I want to do
Is stay cool
While getting a tan.

Day 181

Tired...

My eyelids waver slightly
My joints refuse to move
My limbs are frozen in place.
My mind is blank
My body is numb.
Tired.

Day 180

New Things

There are new things
That approach us and make us think.
I am always confronted
And must adjust
To new things
That approach me.

Day 179

The heavy rain clouds loom over
It's not the way I want it to be.
I miss sunny days
Lemonade with little umbrellas
Strawberry shortcake
Sun tan oil
Pool water.
Yeah...
That is summer
Not these rainy clouds.

Day 178

Reflection

I can see myself staring back
And more oftan than not
I like what I see staring back.
She's smart for the most part
Sensitive and loyal too.
She's got a lot going for her
This is true
But she seems a little sad sometimes.

Day 177

The Boogeyman

The Boogeyman hides
in the night
and is real
because I've seen him...
He shows up as the monster he is
in the shadows on the wall
shapes of strangers
and criminals...
He is real
and hides in the night.

Day 176

Onward and forward
Keep on going
Despite the boring and somewhat dull present.
There's going to be a brighter
And better future
Just a little bit farther along.
It will come
So I will wait.

Day 175

My eyes burn.
My stomach rumbles.
I feel tired.
My head pounds.
I have a sensitivity to light.
My thumbs hurt.

Just another day as a gamer.

Day 174

Boredom
Nothingness
Pencil on paper
Unopened notebooks
New projects
Paints
Cooking supplies
Salt dough
Crafting
Warm blankets
Lit candles
Quiet evening.

Day 173

Shiver.
Chill up the spine.
Goosebumps.
Dialating pupils.
Shiver.
Hair standing up one end.
Tremble.
Shake.
Shiver.

Day 172

The heat blankets over me
A layer of sweat drips down
Blinding my eyes
Covering my face.
In the sun and the heat
Cracking open a novel
Sipping an iced tea
I can live with this.

Day 171

"Literature is the art of writing something that will be read twice; journalism what will be read once." ~Cyril Connolly

Day 170

Lucky
I'm lucky for what I've got
I'm lucky for those in my life
I'm lucky for the love of my friends
I'm lucky....
But still...
I'm not lucky enough.

Day 169

Let the rain fall outside my window
So I can watch the sparrow birds shake themselves
to clear off the rain and chirp happily while they do so.
Let it fall fall fall fall
So the grass outside can grow a lusher green and
plants can turn bright, violent colors
to cheer you up on a cold day.
Let the rain fall around me
So I can dance in the drops
to remind myself that I am one with everything around me
and that I am alive.

Day 168

Waiting
is never easy for me
because action action
Action is what I live for
and the hustle and bustle
feels like productivity.
Waiting however, feels
Blank.

Day 167

Birthday
A very merry birthday to me
Another year alive and kicking.
Friends and cake and presents
A day all about me.
I don't feel any older yet
But I just bet
In a couple more
I'll be wishing I was younger again.

Day 166

My Favorite Things-New York City
(to the tune of My Favorite Things...obviously)

Flashing lights flashing
And sirens horns blaring.
Taxi cabs rushing
And odd people smoking.
Weird smoke that rises from odd little rings
These are a few of favorite things.
When the day sucks
When my feet ache
When I'm feeling sad
I simply remember my New York trip.
Then I don't feel so bad.

Day 165

Hurried and altogether
Rushed because
Time doesn't stop for
Anyone no matter who you are
So step up to the plate my fellow
Friend and see it unfold
All around you.

Day 164

Living in the past
Brings nothing but old memories.
Living in the future
Doesn't let us enjoy the present.
Living in the present
Is always a gift.

Day 163

A New Chapter
I'm like...
A kid in a candy shop.
A love-struck fan girl meeting her idol.
An incredulous and awestruck lover.
An excited preteen going to prom.
It's remarkable and unbelievable
And I'm ready to take on the challenge.

Day 162

Emotionally drained
With nothing much on the brain
Except the thoughts and dreams
That they entertain.
My heart hurts.
My head burns.
Time will only tell
Time will only heal.

Day 161

There's a feeling of fear
While you still feel hope.
There is always the idea
That things won't work out.
That things will be worse.
That things won't get better.
I'd like to think they won't
They can't.
They won't.
And that's all that matters.

Day 160

Mom

Words cannot express how I appreciate everything you do.
You covered me up when I fell asleep on the couch.
You made me chicken soup when I was sick.
You were always there when I needed you
And you still are.
I love you mom
Happy Mother's Day.
:)

Day 159

My Ode to Country

I may have problems
But you are the biggest one.
You no-good liar and cheat.
I caught you at that dive bar downtown
With a no-good tramp.
You stole my love.
You stole my dog.
You stole my home.
And now I'm gonna get out my three-string guitar
And sing about it.

Day 158

There's a little corner in my room
That is hidden from normal view.
In it, are dreams I've hidden away
Pages of love
Pages of my life
From years ago to the present.
I hide them away
So when I can,
I take them out to re-live them again.

Day 157

Home.
Home is where I love to be
No matter how far I find myself traveling.
It's where I know I can always come home to.
Home...

Day 156

"Where are you, you spongy yellow delicious bastards?"
"Sno-balls? SNO-BALLS?! Where are the fucking twinkies?"
"No twinkies? We should have gone to Russell Crowe's house..."

Day 155

There's a beautiful day outside my window.
My classes are coming to a close.
There are opportunities presenting itself
And I, like others around me,
Am deciding to ride it as far as it goes.

Day 154

F.I.N.A.L.S.

Furiously trying to remember any little scrap of
Information that might be useful or
Necessary to get a good trade and
Ace the test and you
Love when its all over and done with all the
Stress that studying brings.

Day 153

Scraps of Time

It will eventually fade
Like other memories you have picked up along the way.
Wrinkles will come
Reminders of time spent.
Bones will begin to ache
Muscles will strain
But the scraps of time,
They will always remain.

Day 152

All the training
All the time
All the practices
All the hard-work and sweat
It all leads to this.
The fastest minutes of your life.
Ready
Set
Go.

Day 151

My children

If I have children,
And someday I hope I do,
I don't want them to be like me.
I want them to be strong and unyielding
Like my grandmother.
I want them to love and put others before themselves
Like my mother.
I want them to enjoy the little things and always know when to act like children
Like my brother.
I want them to be themselves and not ever care what others think.
I want them to be courageous.
I want them to be strong-willed.
I want them to be...

All the things that I cannot easily be.

Day 150

"You'll forget the sun in his jealous sky, as we walk in fields of gold." ~Eva Cassidy

Day 149

This weather...
Makes it hard to concieve that
The year has almost come to an end.
The brand new books are worn
Notebooks full
(Well...some of them are..)
And a new chapter begins.

Day 148

I'm not perfect.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not perfect.
I'm not perfect.
I've got to remember this.
Take my faults for what they are worth
And embrace the future.

Day 147

I love the way you dance and sing
When you think no one is watching.
I love how you talk to me
When you need to vent and express ideas.
I love you are so bubbly
And you always cheer me up.
I love our inside jokes.
I love our late night phone calls.
I love how we can read each others minds
I love how we know each other
Sometimes better than we know ourselves...

Day 146

You've got a heart like a lion
But nerves like a small dog.
You've got ideas that could change the world
But you are too lazy to do them.
You are different.
But you are too normal.
You are lovely in nature
But you are still unable to see true beauty.

Day 145

Hands

Your hands tell a story
They revel in wonder while
Curling around tendrils of hair
But also they anger and tense up
When you feel angry.
They wrinkle and decay along with you
As your face and body does the same.
They are an extension of your body
And they express more than you ever could imagine.

Day 144

There is a relief
A sigh
A welcomed response
From stress
From that little reminder
From the pain and anger.
That makes it all worthwhile.

Day 143

I sit in a class filled with college students...
Children.
Who don't want to be here.
So, why are they?
The mood is dull and unexciting
Because they don't want to be here.
Why must I suffer because of the few?
Children.

Day 142

Etched across the sky, the trees are a reminder of past loss, but a steady and resistant future.

Day 141

Isn't it funny
How you make such a big deal over the smallest things?
Why don't you just ride it out?
Take the little joys in life and embrace them
And accept defeat once in a while
Because eventually,
Everything will make sense.

Day 140

Exhausted...
Utterly and completely
Drained
To the point of stumbling
Weakened muscles and limbs
Where the only thought
Is relaxing
And a comfortable bed
To do it in.

Day 139

There is nothing
I don't know what to say.
You've left me....
Speechless.
I can't say what I want
Because what I want
I don't know.

Day 138

Lazy days
Lounging around
Catching up on work
Reading novels
Watching tv
Drinking and snacking.

It's nice every once in a while.

Day 137

Chess

The pieces move like soldiers
Mechanically and systematically.
The mind must think ahead
Always at least three steps ahead
To anticipate.
Bishop moves
The rook stays behind
To guard the King and Queen.

The problem with me is...
When I'm thinking three steps ahead
It's always the first and easiest move
That gets me.
Checkmate.

Day 136

What is written on the office door

Out of the office for now.
I needed to get some air
Although the air outside is just as bad.
Went for a walk in the park
To feed pigeons
And buy a sandwich for that homeless guy
Because money wouldn't really help.
Gonna buy a cheesecake
Because my diet has been going so well
And I need a treat.

Oh and by the way,
That paper is due by 3:30.

Day 135

Honestly Considerate

Speak what you mean.
Saying things you later regret
Speaking out about things you care about
All make a difference in the end.
I will tell you what I think
And later on, I won't regret it.
You ask for my opinion
I'll give it to you.
So don't ask unless you want to know.
I'm not mean
I'm honestly considerate.

Day 134

Flecks of dust caress
Barewood flores that once were
Polished rocks in streams
Glassy and floating
Paperweights
That hold together my chest
Chest full of hearts
Closed and bound together
Bound and gagged
Like rope
Rope and twine
Keeping me alive.

Day 133

(Okay guys, this one is a little different, because I didn't start out to write it for my poem of the day, but I finished it and loved it, so, yeah, it's my poem today. :D)


A Place For Broken Dreams?

Is there a place where broken dreams go? Is there a place that holds them and never lets them go? What happens to these dreams when someone goes away? Are they locked away forever, too hard to ever reach? What would happen if we ever found the key?

If there was such a place where broken dreams go, would we ever know? How would you count them? How could you place them? How could you place them? Would they only serve reminders of what you’ve lost? Or maybe, would these dreams push us to see what we’ve gained?

What kind of place would broken dreams reside? Mountain tops high in the sky or in a desert sand hole somewhere to hide? Is there really room for these lost things? In the entire world, it is it possible to find? Is a secret like that too great for man-kind?

And what of the future? What will happen we’re gone? Will our cluttered dreams litter roads and lawns? Is it the only thing we’re really left behind? What does this mean?

What does this mean? Why can’t I find this place where dreams go to die? Why do I feel like I’m the only one to try? Are there others, like me, that cry? Do they cry at lost hopes and dreams, replaced easily it seems?

So, is there a place for broken dreams?

If there is, open the door and set them free.

Day 132

Wide eyes
Full of wonder.
Everything is new
Different
Wonderful
To be explored
Created.
Those wide eyes
Make me smile
For more people need to view the world
Through wide eyes.

Day 131

So, there's this story I once heard
A long time ago
That started with star-crossed lovers
And ended, with death and woe.
Now I don't know
If the story was true
But those star-crossed lovers
Remind me of me and you.

It's not romantic to say
In fact, it's far from it
That a love could never truly be real
Until someone else felt it.
A love never meant to be
Felt only by one or the other
It never really exists
It only serves to bother.

Now Juliet is gone to meet her maker
And Romeo not far behind...
And the other souls are left to pick up the pieces
Because their own loves are too kind.

Day 130

Splatter-painted

The hussling rain
Blows into my mouth
Grazes my skin
With unmindful whips against my skin.
It is wet, yes
And my sweatshirt holds the reminders
Drops and drops
Painted like a spastic four-year old
Splatter-painted.

Day 129

Books
They say you won't last
But I think they are wrong
Your heart and words are alive with song.
It fills me up and I breathe a sigh
With you, my dear, I feel alive.
I'm off somewhere else
Away from here
Yet no ticket is needed
There is no travel to fear.
I am away and yet I'm still here
If someone needs me to lend an ear.
Floating, falling
I'm still here
If only in body
Not in mind.

Day 128

Lazy sun
Lying half-way in between awake and napping
A book on my lap
Scattered pages in the grass
Homework pages on my lap
Wind through my hair
Sun shining on my skin.
Somewhere happy to be.

Day 127

Bumblebees

They aren't really supposed to fly
Their bodies are too heavy
And their wings are too small.
Scientifically speaking,
They aren't supposed to fly.
There is no reason for them to fly
It doesn't make sense.

They aren't supposed to fly...

Try telling them that.
They fly anyway.

Day 126

I hate Mondays.

Day 125

Easter
A time with brightly colored easter dresses
Beautiful flowers emerging
Chocolate bunnies
Jelly beans
Easter grass
And spending some time together
With friends and family. :)
That's where I like to be.

Day 124

Campus Life

Mysterious knitted things appearing on poles.
(Knitting mafia?)
Masked students running around giving out candy.
Intense games of Magic.
Water balloons being thrown from dorm windows.
Late night cram sessions.
Sleeping in until lunchtime on weekends.
Time on my hands, but nothing to do.

Yay college!

Day 123

My Life

What about me?
It doesn't really matter about that.
Tell me about you.

My life isn't all that interesting...
I'm like Regina Spektor
Making up little white lies about my life
In order to sound interesting...

Me?
I cry too easily.
I get angry when I'm provoked
But will bottle emotions down until I choke.
I don't like to make waves
But I do when it matters.

What about you?
What do you do?

Day 122

Fool

Behind the mask
The fool performs for everyone
There is laughter and there is no care.
He is a clever fool
Playing tricks
Banana peels
Water balloons
Tied shoelaces.
But behind his mask
He wants to be...

A singer.

Day 121

It's a little early isn't it
To start making criticism
And pass judgements?

Free your mind
And open your heart.
Embrace the day
Live in the moment.

Day 120

Sherlock is to Holmes as
House is to Wilson as
Peanut butter is to jelly as
Black is to white as
Me is to you.

We just go together.

Day 119

I fill my mind, my heart, my soul
With ideas and dreams about what the future is going to be...
I lay awake wondering sometimes
What life will be like for my children.
Dreams I want to come true
Ideas that I imagine

At some point I realize
They are coming true. :)

Day 118

Rainy days
are dreary
and dark

Let's get together
and watch a movie
under the covers.

Day 117

I'm back.
Back home.
Back where I belong...

Day 116

Choir Tour Day One

On the road
On a journey of music
On a journey of exploration
Our own tour bus
With fellow students
Embracing what comes
And some questionable driving by the driver...
Meeting some new people.
Loving life
Loving music
Loving being with others.
(The food isn't bad either...)

Day 115

I'm going...
On a whirlwind trip
Don't know where I'll end up
But I know what I want
And I'll be damned if I let anything stop me.

Day 114

High Noon

Wind is fierce.
I sit back.
A professor sprints past
Church bells softly chime in the back
Late students trudge grudgingly
The hungry smell of chicken.
Life moves on
Regardless of how you are feeling
And the realization can hit you like a brick.
There's no stopping what is to come
So sit back and enjoy the ride.

Day 113

Amusement Park
Lights swirl, bells ring
Cheap toys sparkle in the sun
The prize for some lucky boy
Or an offering of love to a teenage girl.
Rollercoasters, ATMS, tilt-a-whirls
Spinning spinning spinning
Flashing flashing laughs screams
Yells crying
More sounds and lights
Cotton candy.
All around you.

Day 112

Artificial light
like an artificial blanket
covers the disgruntled workers
with a dust of monotony.
Simulating the light outside
which they haven't seen
in years.
The light distracts
while it keeps them down
squinting into the light outside.

Smile into the sun and breathe the fresh air.

Day 111

Lucky

Wish on your lucky stars
For that one thing you want
The stars only shine for you
Up there in the sky.
You've got the world on a string, darling
Take it with you when you go
A little bit of luck
And that spirit
Is all you need.

Day 110

Sometimes, words just aren't enough....

Day 109

Ah yes, here it comes
Lies upon lies
Covered up with tiny bows of courtesy
Sweetness and some ounce of truth
To keep me taking what you want to give.
More bullshit.
More lies.
More time wasted.
Keep talking if you want
But I stopped listening ages ago
When your promises never held any more meaning
And I lost faith in the words
You so like to speak.

Day 108

Opening Night (As an audience member)

I can feel it.
Can you?
The excitement...
Even from the audience
I can hear a pin drop
As expectations run high
Lines are rushed to memory backstage
Although they already know them.
Nerves and tension bottle up
And then the lights go down.
Curtain up.

Day 107

Sitting in the sun
Talking with everyone
Feels like home
Feels safe and warm.
Curled in the rays
Blanketed by the sun
I feel calm.

Day 106

Sunshine
Shines unto my face
Brightens me up to see the day.
After so much darkness
It's a welcome thing
A reminder of the warmth that the sun brings.
Sunshine
Is always alright with me
Warms me like a blanket never could
And basks the glows that it is.

Day 105

It's almost over...
A full year of college.
Never could I have imagined being here
And now, a whole year is flying by.
Where have I come
And what can I do?
It's surreal, really, to be where I am
And the experiences I've seen
All make me who I am.
A whole year of school is getting closer and closer...

Day 104

Start Over

When you feel like it's all too much
Start over.
When you are stressed and feeling alone
Start over.
Forget the past
Launch into the future
Start over.
Embrace what is to come
Start over
Start over
And...begin.

Day 103

Because you wanted one...

Here's something for you
Written for you
Because you wanted one.
Your eyes were crazy, wild
Looking in the horizon
Dreaming some dream I'd never imagine
And you wanted one from me.
What could I say,
That your crazyness blows me away?
Yes, I'll say
I'll write you one
Because you wanted one.

Day 102

Prescription for Books

Giving me a pad of paper
With books for me to read
This is one type of pill
That I can easily swallow.
Books are my type of medicine.

Day 101

Oil
Traces across the pavement
Echo the traces across the palm
Of another weary traveler
Walking by, unassumingly innocent.
It's true, the leak, because of the traces
Crossing, lacing up and down
My eyes follow it
Until they disappear into oblivion.

Day 100

Milestone
I can't believe it's been 100 days
100 days since I began my project.
Days full of inspiration
Some, not so much
In a vain attempt to find myself
And share what I discover.
The sun is shining bright
What a perfect accessory
For my hundredth day
Of Inspiration.

Day 99

99 Ways

There are 99 ways
That you can do something
Whether right or wrong
It's infinitely possible.
There are 99 ways
To say that you care
For better or worse
It's possible.
There are 99 ways
99 chances
99 reasons
But sometimes....
It takes just one more.

Day 98

Technology
is not always for the best
glued to our little screens
in hopes that we find
a little bit more of ourselves
somewhere out there.
Connected, plugged in, wired in
all sound like things
that make us stationary
and makes us boring and mundane.
Cut the cords every once and a while...

Day 97

Sunny sunny sunny
Soon the winter and cold winter
It will end
And a sunny day will begin.
I can't wait!

Day 96

The Killers: A Love Story

I've got soul
But I'm not a soldier.
I used to know a girl
Who had a boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend
That Brandon Flowers had in February of last year.
Run neon tiger run
Through a new day in age.
Leave your legacy in gold plaques down the hall
Andy's a star in nobody's eyes but mine.
Jenny was a friend of mine
Don't you know that you were on my list?

I love you The Killers.

Day 95

Memory lane
is fun to visit
but I wouldn't want to stay there.

The past is past
and I'm moving on.

Day 94

Please please please

Pieces of me
scatter around your feet
Do you stop to pick them up?
If I smile when I fall
Do you catch me?
If I look as if I'm being ripped apart
Will you lend a hand and stitch me up?
If I bow down before you
Will you allow me to walk by unscathed?
If I appease you...
Will you love me?

Day 93

Pictures
strewn across the floor
memories out of order
make up a whole life...
ripped, corners worn
yellowed by time.

Day 92

Oh rain...
Sometimes you make me feel like staying inside
Watching television and playing cards
Trying to keep myself amused
Prank phone calls
And other tom-foolery.
On second thought,
I like the rain.

Day 91

Journalism 101

It is chaotic.
Frantic.
Disturbing.
High. Paced.
Quick. To. The. Minute.
Follow. What. The. News. Is.
Get. It. Done. Yesterday.
Get. It. Got. It. Good.
Step. On. The. Little. People.
Faster. Quicker. Get. It. Done.

Day 90

Pure Brilliance

Don'tcha love the feeling
The feeling of being free
Of realizing something is no longer holding you back?
Do you love the feeling
Of realizing you've got a whole life to do what you want
And maybe, you already know what you want to do?
Do you love the feeling
Of the wind through your hair?
Of air filling your lungs
Of strength
Of love
Of courage.
I do.
It's pure brilliance.

Day 89

The outpouring of generosity
Makes my heart smile.
Karma karma karma.
It never ceases to amaze me.
Everything always happens for a reason
And only when we are meant to find out
Do we, in fact, find out.
The more we protest
More we struggle
The harder it is for us to find out why.
Generosity.

Day 88

It shouldn't be about
Who can do it faster
Who can do it sooner
It should be about who is more accurate
Who uses the right way
Who doesn't step on others to get what they want.
It should be
And it will be for me.

Day 87

I'm not writing a poem today.
I just thought I'd let you know.
My words are dried up today
And I want to do other things tonight.

So, no poem today.

Day 86

Speak

Speak what you want to hear
What the words upon your lips upon your brain
Wants you to see
What it wants you to believe.
Believe what you will, but you'll never take me
Never take what words I'm going to say
Because what I speak doesn't come from man-made things.
My words are my own
Speak my own way
Believe my own way
I am my own.
And I speak what I want to hear.

Day 85

Leaves
Leaves in the autumn
rustle past like broken paper bags
brown sometimes but also green and yellow...
They remind me of childhood
jumping into the dark depths that lie underneath.

Day 84

Struggling

It doesn't mean you are any less of a person
It doesn't mean you are weak
It doesn't mean you can't do it
It doesn't mean you are a failure
It doesn't mean you will never make it

It doesn't define you
It doesn't mean anything.

Pick up your head and try again
None of us are perfect
Even though we secretly tell ourselves we are.

Day 83

It was worth it
She told herself as she walked just a little slower.
It was worth it
He told himself as he barely could keep himself up.
It was worth it
He didn't care that others looked at him.
It was worth it
He knew no one else could understand.
It was worth it
It was worth it
It was worth it
She said it
But she didn't believe it.

Day 82

I'll never be able to describe
The love for a child
Waking up every morning
To find the sheets pulled up
So they won't get cold.
Sacrificing everything
Just so their child could be happier.
The love for a child
Can't be measured in words
Can't be expressed in greeting cards.
There's a reason they will never be a shortage of mothers in the world
For the love of a child.

Day 81

:)

Turn off the outside lights
Lock the door
Relax and watch some tv
Have a snack
Unwind for a while...
It's the weekend.

Day 80

Life/Death

Flickering scenes flash before me
Fragments of my life
Played on a projector screen
As I lay back in the drive-in movie.
No one else seems to notice
It's my life thats flashing by.
A smiling blonde child
Laughing and crying
Running in circles
Falling down but getting back up.
Scenes of my life
Seem so distant
Not mine...
The film is too short.

Day 79

Untitled #325323

Staring at an empty page or computer screen
Doesn't make it any easier to write how I feel.
Words only help so much
When what you're feeling is more...
How to start
When words don't come
Because they never do when you want them to
And words can only say so much.

How can emotion be properly defined?
How can love, grief, sadness, be explained?
How can hatred?
Words are only words.
Words are only words.

Day 78

Fat Tuesday

Parade down Bourbon street
Wearing masks of purple and green
Throwing glitter everywhere
Indulge in some of the less finer things in life
A moral holiday
Where everyone's invited
To party like there's no tomorrow.
The somber season is ahead
So give it one last hurrah.

Day 77

Another day
Another time
Another love
Another rhyme....

Break monotony with nonconformity.
Anarchy?
Maybe.
Non-violent protest?
More likely.

Day 76

Valentine's Day
A day that capitalizes on the pure innocence of love
And puts a price tag on how you care.
Why?
Maybe if we buy enough candy
Buy enough roses
Buy enough little trinkets
We can do what it's meant for
Buy love.
I'd prefer not to buy happiness
Thank you very much.

Happy Singles Awareness Day everybody.

Day 75

Boy
you're like a fireball burning
feeling no pain, only feeling the heat
and going along for the ride.
Girls are drawn to fireballs
the heat makes them wonder
and they have to look.
But, do they stay?
Even fireballs burn out eventually
and what will be left after you burn out
but ashes.

Day 74

Dear Anonymous,

Why don't you speak up for yourself
When people use your ideas?
Your lines are brilliant
Ideas that have gone through generations
Concepts that we all believe in
Yet we don't even know your name.

Maybe
Just maybe
Anonymous...
You know something
You feel something
That I'll never know.

Day 73

I'll write your five page paper
I'll commit the days to memory
I'll take your pop quizzes about things I'll never need to know
I'll study books written by old dead men
I'll be quiet and listen to you speak
I'll speak when you want me to
I'll be objective
I'll write opinions that you believe in
I'll do what you want me to do in class
I'll be just like everyone else.

But you can never, ever change me.

Day 72

You've got a shy, beautiful smile
And you're clumsy, tripping over your feet as well as words.
You can spout out random facts
To try and hide your own insecurity
But socially,
You don't know where to begin.
Got a beautiful mind
And, although you're not one of those "manly man"
You're beautiful.

Day 71

Maybe One More Time

Inside, the walls are crashing down
With every smile
With every word you say
Every time you make eye contact
And stop to chat a while.
Outside, the world is changing
More important things are happening
Life goes on.
But now,
I feel the urge to pick my heart up off the ground
Maybe one more time.

Day 70

Outside My Room

On the snow outside my room it seems
someone is drawing
someone is creating
on the pure brilliance of snow.
The sun reflects back at me
only to blind me from what I can see
because I never wear sunglasses.

The slush, the snow, the rain, the mud, the water,
ice tunnels, snowmen, snow forts, snow angels
drawn in the snow, created in the snow.

Outside my room...
childhood innocence remains.

Day 69

*snicker*
I know I'm at least a little mature
because I will not snicker at the title...
Too late.
I'm old enough to know better, I guess
But I don't have to act like it.
Living life like a five year old
who just downed five mega pixie sticks
and three cans of Coke.
Yeah, life can be shaky
Life can be cruel, it's true
But it's better knowing I've got my family and friends
And they are what spins my world round.
That and probably all those pixie sticks...

Day 68

Word Association Lesson #3

Dorito chips with ranch dressing
Mountain dew cans
television commercials
Taco Bell?
Criminal Minds marathon
Doing half-hearted homework
Time flies by
But I'm still having fun.

Day 67

Be aware
Be prepared
Be unique
Be awesome
Be mindful
Be curteous
Be open-minded
Be this
Be that
Be a good person
Be nice....

But be yourself.

Day 66

Word Association Lesson #2

Wild winter weather
snow storms
snowmen's carrot noses
grocery store parking lots
racing shopping carts at dawn
sunrise, sunset
gotta love the fiddler on the roof
fight hatred
embrace tradition
look forward to the future.

Day 65

Dreaming of warmer weather
beaches of sand
palm trees
where it's nice and warm
and I can leave my parka at home.
Ah, to have the sun shine again
Where I can feel the heat.

Day 64

Corruption

Around and around in circles we go
Where it stops, nobody knows.
Let the accusations fly
Duck, duck, duck, duck….
Goose.
The goose is the one with the unlucky day
Taking the blame for which everyone else must pay.
Mary had a little lamb
Made into chops for the prisoner on death row
While a homeless veteran eats out of a trash can.
Quite contrary, that Mary
Whose garden grows
Until a company buys out her garden
And instead, a Home Depot grows.
Little girls are made of sugar, spice and everything nice
But what is America made out of?
When once I looked up at the stars,
I now look up into the smog
Of the companies promising to change the environment.
Ashes
Ashes
We all fall…

Down.

Day 63

No poem today

I'm tired.
Frustrated.
I hate mondays.
Exhausted.
Overwhelmed.
Overworked.
Underpaid.
So, eff this
I'm not doing a poem today.

Day 62

Faith

It's time...
The spark that ignites how I think
And how I feel
Struck me unexpected
And opened the emptiness
That I didn't know existed.
Something lost
Something that needs be regained.
If not for anyone else
It needs to be for me.
I don't want to feel empty
Anymore...

Day 61

Word Association Lesson #1

French fry
oil
fish 'n' chips
Britian
Beatles
John Lennon
chocolate cake in a bag
Waldorf Hotel
Serendipity
John Cusak
In Your Eyes
Peter Gabriel
80's
Breakfast Club
Judd Nelson
corny music
Chuck sneakers.

Day 60

Sixty days

Sixty days down and the world keeps spinning round...
For once in my life
I'm consistent, well, at least in this.
Sixty solid days of introspection
Sixty days of poetry.
The written word
is alive again in the pages.

Only three hundred more to go.

Day 59

Words...

Words stick
like maple syrup to a high school lunch table.
Spoken aloud
words are like daggers that cut deeper with every word.
Words burn
like acid in the stomach, churning, designed to hurt.
Words are painful
like having to wait, or watch, unable to do anything.
Stick.
Burn.
Painful.
Words hurt.

Day 58

Destination Unknown

Running river...
water...
rushing rushing through
over rocks and boulders
towards a destination unknown
not stopping
like small streams
fish know where to go
and follow the current
towards...
destination unknown.

Day 57

There's something better
Always something better
Gotta keep looking
It's out there
Somewhere...
And it's going to be mine.

Day 56

Dripping from pores
of my being
the thought process not only eats at my flesh
it tears at my soul.

I would give it up
If I could
To stop thinking sometimes
and just be....

Day 55

Waiting
Waiting always waiting.
Don't waste my time...
precious as it is.
Can't act like I've got something to do
While I wait for you.

Day 54

The Simple Things

A cool, un-opened can of Mt. Dew
My favorite green blanket
Fluffy slippers
A bag of cheese curls
My laptop
Shelves of dog-eared books
Hot chocolate radiating heat
A comfy, well-worn couch for me to lay on.

Day 53

(Untitled)

I've got a blanket wrapped around me
Shut out from the cold world
Yet I let the breeze in
So I remember what it feels like
To be alive.
Never drink coffee
And not really tea
But this can of coke always does the trick
In getting me into a mood
I'll never regret.

Just relaxing in some spare time
It's what I really need to unwind.

Day 52

Thursday

Wake up in the morning
Feeling like Ben Balutis.
;)
I'm never hitting the gym again.
Got the chills, but I'm still awake
Stretching out my legs.
With a foot on the floor
The others already out the door.
Sneak around the sleeping roommate
Hopefully make class on time.
Another day
Another moment in time.

Day 51

can't you see

crime. hatred. depression. disgusting. death. it's all around us.
turn around to see the cling.
shadows. on. the. wall.
etching death. etching time.
caught. in. a. cycle.
unmoving.

break....
free....
break.free.
Break. Free.
Or fake it till you make it.
Do what you do
And do it well.

Day 50

Back

I'm back
To the hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle.
In between crowds of wild college kids
Grinning slightly as new students barely make it to class.
Some slumped into desks
Only there because they have to be,
Last night's party still evident on their faces.
Back to the wide, scary place that is college.
An entire eco-system, a world that goes on
Interrupted by only mild breaks
The cater to the people within it.

Day 49

For Real

Sitting around
Wasting time.
Is this the purpose of my life?
Well then...
The purpose of life seems meaningless
When I can't be who I want to be.
Family is first
Friends are amazing
Learning sometimes can be exciting

But the more I think
The more I want to experience life
For real.

Day 48

I'm probably going to offend you.

This is just me.
I mean what I say
And I say what I mean.
I'm not going to sugarcoat it
Just to make you feel better.
If it needs to be said
I'll say it.
If I want it a secret
I won't hint at it.
I don't want to be mean
But I don't want to be fake.
I know what I believe
And you can't change me
No matter what you think
Or what you believe.
This doesn't mean I'll ignore you
But it doesn't mean I'll join you.

Day 47

Free association

falls from my lips
like randomly tapped keys on my keyboard.

Peaches and branches
In summer
Hot and sticky
Cool wind through the air
Chlorine
Lemonade
Strawberry shortcake
Dog kisses
Grass between toes
Sand between toes
90's summer music
Bonfires as the sun goes down
Sunburns
Watermelon....

Day 46

On the road
a weary traveler of sorts
stopping only to smile and spend some time with strangers.
On the road
with no one looking over their shoulder
they can tramp the path they choose.
On the road
not looking back at the past
in an attempt to pave a new future.
It's only on the road
does the weary traveler realize
that they are truly alone.

Day 45

(Untitled)

The spaces in between knowing
Etch in shadows and curl around the corners
Just an inch out of reach.
Shadows fall like soldiers
Vanishing into the ground
Muddy and battered
Crest-fallen faces with stone hearts
In a doomed military line.
Slowly but surely
The shadows end
Never exactly the same
As the first time.

Day 44

Merry-Go Round

Round and round and round
Whirls of color
Whirls of sound.
Horses stretched outwards
Dragons, zebras, mythical creatures
Captured in mid-gallop.
In an eternal gasp
Frozen in place.
Whirling and twirling around
With its mix of childhood music
Mixed with laughter and yelling
A carnival atmosphere.

Day 43

No.
I will not write a poem today.
I don’t feel okay.
I don’t feel happy.
I don’t feel sad.
I’m not going to comment on the weather
Or about a love story I once heard.
There is no change in my life.
I haven’t done anything new.
I haven’t re-done anything old.
So…
What would I write about?

Day 42

Done.

Put the finishing period at the end
A couple backstrokes for good measure.
The end of ideas
Words finalized in print.
Done.
The story lays out before you.
Your ideas, your characters, your scene
Done.
As if it were never JUST a thought
It becomes as concrete as the words themselves.
Laid out before you.

Day 41

"There are no coincidences." -Sigmund Freud


I saw you standing there
You were running your fingers through your hair
But you didn't see me.
Why were you here
After months of heartbreak
Why would I run into you
When we are so far apart.

Walking towards you
Stopped in my tracks
By the person next to you.

It all made sense.

You never told me.
You never bothered to care.
We were always friends
Why didn't you trust me
Why don't you think that I would care?

Day 40

Sneezing with a sour throat
In absolute agony
Coughing and wheezing
Kicking and wishing I felt better.


Ugh...I feel horrible.

Day 39

Bad Dreams

The worst movies I've ever seen
Were nothing like any bad dream.
Woken by shivers, woken by falling
Woken by spiders, woken by drowning,
I wake unaware, unconscience and confused
After a restless night that I did not choose.
Alone in the dead of night
Without anyone or anything to show the light.
Was it a dream
Or was it a mysterious plan?
My mind's way of telling me of that mysterious man....

Day 38

I don't know you
I don't know who you are
I don't know what you've been through
I don't know your parents
Your family
Your friends
I don't know what you want
What you dream about
What you hope to be.

All I know
Is that deep down
We are all the same.

Day 37

Pookie Bear

Warm fuzzy fur
Hides a little hamster
Snuggly and squirming.
Pink little nose
Twitches in delight
At sunflower seeds.
A little bundle of fur
Full of love.
Poking his little head out
Only to see what makes loud sounds
And to eat.
A little lazy and cuddly.
I wouldn't have it any other way.

Day 36

Buttons buttons buttons

Day 35

Desert Dreams

The heat boils down
Torching sand and soil
Boils and burns the skin.
Small lizards scurry across the sand
Not stopping to let the sun win
Searching for small pools of life-saving water.

But at night....
The desert night becomes a desert dream.
Air cools to chill the skin
Bonfires curl up to the sky
Illuminating the pitch black night
Dancing wildly around the flames.
Horses running through the sand
Their shapes free-flowing and forming again
Echoing hoof-beats trump the air
As the beating of young lovers hearts
Join in the wild roar of the wild
Yelling to the mountains
Joining the coyotes
In a primordial yell of freedom and of night.

Day 34

Yes.
Absolutely.
Without a doubt.
With certainty.
Possibly.
Maybe.
Never.
In a blue moon.
No.
Why?
Because.
Why?
It is the way it is.
Why?
Leave me alone.

Day 33

Wind

I wonder why it is the way it is
But then again
I'm like the wind.
If I never stay too long
If I never linger
I will never have to feel the pain
Feel the anxious looks
Feel regret at things done
Even feel close to others
If I pull away and drift through.
Wind is majestic enough..
I could be wind.
It runs power, it blows through trees
It is responsible for many things.

But wind doesn't have anywhere to go when the day is done.
It is alone.
I couldn't be wind.

Day 32

2010

So, a new year is here. I don't feel any different...maybe a little tired, but not really any different. I suppose my obligatory resolution is a continuation of ideals I've gradually come to accept. Resolutions for everyone are primarily almost all the same and involve improving oneself in the years to come. I wonder if our ancestors thought it necessary to do the same things...

My life is great, I can't complain. There are definitely some things I would like to change and aspects of my life that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I can't say I'm unhappy.

Breathe in the good. Breathe out the bad. Reflect, but take time to relax and spend some "me" time. Everything will happen in due time. Everything happens for a reason.

I would like to hope this year is a better one. So, here's to a better year!